I see it all the time; fiancees jealous of their partners parents, family, or friends so they create a situation where it becomes, You have to choose either me or them. Tragic And, she admits she knew he had anger issues: Ross has a serious drinking problem. The brother was not there when Ross pushed her (she was inside her truck ?) LisforLeslie He feels free to hang out with his family and friends without any pressure. It scares me that in the future, when an even bigger mess happens, he still wouldn't stick with me. Your boyfriend sounds like a fucking child. November 30, 2017, 2:20 pm, Well, this escalated fairly quickly to be sure. Two days later, Ross showed up at my house (I was actually driving out of my driveway) and he was in a serious rage. Which is fine. I honestly think you deserved what you got, provoking someone known to have anger issues like that. There are his buddies and best friends and his family, and then there isyou. I dont even remember much about said post, just that i shared a quote or something. Instantly, one of his friends said something along the lines of, Yeah, he has a porn magazine because men have their needs and you arent enough for him., That was pretty hurtful to me, and my boyfriend replied, Nah, I dont have any porn magazines. Ill try to make this as short and to the point as possible. Cookie Notice Have any question? This relationship is beyond repair. If she's just being mean to me i could probably Stomach that but i cant ignore how she also spreads rumors about me to their extended family which affects my relationship with them too. I would never ask him to let go of his family for me, but im always a no show at his family gatherings ever since that day his sister humiliated me. Marshals on the ground have "full authority" to arrest people under any federal statute, including 1507, "but they have to . Im very sorry you have to go through this. Theres a lot of gray areas here, but in the end, you dont feel your boyfriend has your back and he is keeping someone in his life who attacked you (and is probably still a danger to you). Im sorry youre hurting, and that you will likely hurt for a little while. His dad dislikes almost everyone in his life, including me. If her bf had a problem with his brother, then it was his issue to handle. Talk to your boyfriend. You have to move on. Ive met people like this and they are annoying and self righteous AF. You hate his sister, and she's not going anywhere anytime soon. This is not difficult. Never assume that someones family is a source of joy. You should have just shut the fuck about this, really. You have no idea whats really going on until he tells you. LW1: your comments to Ross were off-limits. The fact is that hes not emotionally ready to bring you into his life completely. Seriously, if some random girl 10-15 years younger than me got in my face on Independence Day when Id had a few, Id probably flip a table and scream in her face myself. She hasnt apologized for it yet. 3. You can refer to the answers, The following summaries about ugg mini goat color will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. We live in a brand new time where we have this magnificent and expansive ability to create our own definition of family. Kitnkabutle Difficult family relationships are only manageable if your spouse is willing to do whatever it takes to protect youLW1s boyfriend may be blind to his brothers drinking problem or may not be sure how to process/handle this. Who knows what is going on with him? He repeatedly says very hurtful things about me to my boyfriend or to the rest of his family. Continue with Recommended Cookies, By Be aware of your boyfriend's family and friend dynamics When you start dating a guy or marry your boyfriend, you step into family and friend patterns that have been going on for as long as they've been alive. The majority of wives feel that when an in-law (or anyone else) is critical of their husband, they must defend him against subtle slights and reproaches. They say alcoholism is a family disease. Im not trying to downplay or excuse him for doing nothing, but considering how close their relationship is, he could be reluctant to say or do anything. my wife is always disappointed in me. This women will likely find someone new along with their family. Manage Settings And the SO not even acknowledging these feelings doesnt help at all. NS8848 This same applies to myself as well. How do I explain something to the Girl I am dating? He's nice and isnt confrontational but i expected that he'd be more angry for me. Don't worry about seeming naggy if it's something you're worried about. LW#1: Get out of that relationship and out of the line of fire, so to speak. Im really torn as to what my next step would be. I brought this up to the boyfriend and he thought the issue was shallow, told me i was over reacting and that i was being childish, and that he expected more from me because he thought i was strong. Just a Few More Books to Go on the 6th Annual DW Holiday Book Drive, When Do You Know Its Time to Break Up With Someone?, My Daughter is Trying to Ruin My Relationship. His reaction is so out of proportion to her comments. And while Ross is out of control so was the LW. If he cares about you, he will want to get them to like him and put effort into achieving that. I just find it unfair because in my family, no would even dream of doing that to him. I know its hard but if he loves you, the truth will slowly come out. In this case yes he and OP were friends but the familial relationship will always trump that. My boyfriend wants his friend, should we break up? You can talk to your partner about it and express concern. Anyway, you dont have anything to do with Ross, his life is not your problem, as long as he is not doing something illegal to you. If we're talking some mild cattiness, sure, it's not mature, but I don't think it's worth dragging her boyfriend into it. Next relationship dont try to manage your bfs interactions with his family or, even worse, the members of his family. With them, im can be passive and have a "just grin and bear it" perspective because i dont want to seem a bit too hot headed? But you are right to think about the future and about the likelihood that, when your son and his ex begin dating other people, one or both of them may become not as ok with the nature of your relationship with this little girl as they are now. Or you might be very liberal and indecent to them. Sure, her boyfriends success affects her, but if your partners work situation is of concern, then the solution isnt to unilaterally confront the person who is creating the issue. Clearly, the love between you is mutual, and I think whenever love is offered and its wanted, and it doesnt cross lines of inappropriateness, it should be shared and celebrated. What do i do? He might find it hard to talk and see them himself. If he doesn't, he might be meeting them simply because you've made him do it. ), basically how they live their life, on the fourth of fucking July. Even if your boyfriend doesn't like the way his friends talk about you, if he stands by and does nothing to . Is he honestly telling me to disregard my feelings and adjust to his sister? (Ive threatened to leave him, Ive told him how much it hurts me, Ive told him that I dont feel like Im a part of his family because of this), New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Ruby Thursday Am I reasonable for expecting my boyfriend to defend me in this situation? pastoralcucumbers Started September 23, 2022. My boyfriend doesn't defend me when his friends trash talk me. (And for the record: reprimanding someones work ethic probably is NOT your business to address unless youre his or her boss). Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Im sure it must be disappointing and sad that your son and his girlfriend have broken up and the fate of your relationship with this little girl youve thought of like a granddaughter is now uncertain. That said LW, dont attack someone personally in public. I have to say, that wasnt just a dumb ass move, its absolutely appalling and so inappropriate to decide youre going to publicly confront someone about their drinking and their work ethic (!!!!! My feelings are hurt that he wouldn't instinctively . Ive already discussed the idea that he might not be ready for a serious relationship yet. That comment of his really hurt me the most. I'm much more inclined towards this. With such a disproportionate reaction, I feel like the issue of whether or not it was her place to comment really does not matter anymore. But before you blow up, there are some surprising reasons why he might be hiding you from his family. It just frustrates me that this is clearly offensive on my part. Even if James loves you, hes part of a pretty dysfunctional situation thats been enabling Rosss addiction for years now. Just because theyre family it doesnt mean they can get away with treating a girl like sh*t who didnt do anything to them. He accepts and welcomes my part in his life even when it is a bit overboard (which i can admit). Northern Star My loved ones that drank were mild mannered when sober and angry monsters when drinking) HOWEVER, it was not your place to confront and embarrass Ross in public. . A man might keep you from his family because thats his own safe space. I tried to ignore them but it still hurt and it affected my relationship with my bf's extended family bc they believed her. He tells me that if the situation was reversed he wouldnt give a damn and i dont doubt him. Especially when that person has anger issues and you insult them. I knew he needed to get help, so on the Fourth of July weekend, I made a comment to Ross about his drinking problem and lack of working as hard as his brother, and he went off on me. I knew my place and it was her business if she slept with several men at the same time. You can do a lot better than this. He also is known to have major anger issues. When people, even people you love, behave shitty you call them out. Secondly,, no you are NOT family to her at this point. James is trapped and he will end up carrying Ross, maybe for life, because one of them will have to work to keep everything successful. Because i do care. You can refer to the answers. November 30, 2017, 5:01 pm, I agree with bgm again on this one. How petty. If i end things with him because of this im scared that i'll be making a big mistake. That was very stupid and very avoidable and doubtless one reason her bf didnt have her back as much as she wanted is that he is royally pissed by her actions. And after 6 years together, your bf has no more regard for your feelings than this?? Which it appears hes not there yet. It's how she reacted at my supposed involvement in said break up that got me pissed. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Privacy Policy. November 30, 2017, 9:54 am. It takes time coming up with excuses and leaving your friends hanging at family gatherings just because your boyfriend doesnt want you around with his parents and siblings yet. I dont know what i look like to them now. Our relationship isn't perfect (not many are). After all, he's with you - and I'm assuming other people know about your relationship. Ross uses anger/rage for control. Garland said that's why a man who apparently intended to harm Justice Brett Kavanaugh did not carry through with his plan, but walked away from the Kavanaugh home when he saw the guard detail outside. Dont feel hurt if he doesnt introduce you to his family or friends. I can take that. and if they did i wouldnt hesitate to stand up for my boyfriend. Will this be a Red Flag for her? Skyblossom When people behave shitty it is the responsibility of everyone involved to say What you are doing is shitty. He doesn't want you to think she's a bad person. Bittergaymark He would have to face that the situation was bad and that there will be serious consequences for his life as long as he remains so tightly bound to Ross. (I unfortunately have a lot of experience here and if the drinking problem was taken care of the anger problem would probably be taken care of also. She says that the brothers business is very successful. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. November 30, 2017, 11:11 pm. At the very least managing civility no matter what. My parents also started to doubt James character and stopped supporting our relationship. Ethic probably is not your business to address unless youre his or her boss ) express.! So to speak best friends and his family and friends without any.... The most make this as short and to the rest of his family almost everyone in life... My place and it was his issue to handle, hes part of a pretty dysfunctional situation thats been Rosss. Same time but the familial relationship will always trump that business to address unless youre his or boss... It 's how she reacted at my supposed involvement in said break up got. Ill try to manage your bfs interactions with his family, and that you will likely hurt a... 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